RIP Mack

I have had a few requests for an update and I selfishly ignored them for a couple years.  At first, because it was just too painful.  And then, because it had been so long that I just figured it was too late to bother.  But recently, I received another request for an update with some very kind words and I realized that I should, and more importantly, felt that I could actually bring Mack’s story to an end.

At the time of the last update, Mack was one-year post-op and doing great.  All exams and blood work looked clear and he was our happy, fun-loving boy.   About six months later, summer came and with it, Mack’s favorite pastime … hanging out poolside with the family.  We have a Baja shelf (basically a shallow ledge) that Mack loved to climb in and out of repeatedly.  Stubbornly, he refused to use the step and would instead strain to pull himself up to the side (around a foot depth).  We tried to intervene and move him to the the steps and even tried re-training him to use the steps with a few treats.  But, he would still do his own thing.  We believe it was the combo of the strain of climbing out of the pool along with the climbing up to his favorite spot on the couch (even with the use of a special “handicap” platform that my husband built) that finally stressed his knee too much.  The ligament tore and he could no longer put any pressure on his remaining back leg.

We took him to the orthopedic surgeon who had done the original amputation and were assured that it could be stabilized.  It was a tough call, because the recovery would be so tough with no ability to stand on his own for over a month.   But our only other options were to euthanize (and he was a young dog) or to let him drag himself with his front paws (but his shoulders were already showing signs of weakening due to the build of a bulldog and his amputation).  So we decided to stabilize his knee.

We had a full blood work up done pre-op and everything looked perfect.  Literally, perfect.  Blood panels of a healthy dog.  Surgery was a success.  As usual, our stubborn bulldog fought back to independence in two months.  We all breathed a sigh of relief and life returned to normal.

That December, however, we left on a family vacation for 10 days prior to Christmas.  We had a housesitter stay to tend our zoo (2 dogs, 5 cats).  Reports from her indicated all was well.  Dogs eating and playing normal.  Until the day before our return, when she told us that Mack was coughing.  Since we’d be home the next evening, we waited.  Upon our return, we knew he was sick and called to take him to the vet.   What my husband suspected (and I’m sure many of you veterans to the site can probably guess) was that the cancer had not only returned, but entered the lungs.  This was confirmed with an x-ray, which showed numerous, large tumors covering both lungs.

The vet wouldn’t even let us leave the clinic with him.  She brought in another vet who agreed that we either euthanize immediately or put him directly into the car to see the oncologist.  By this time, the kids were hysterical and we were just shell-shocked.  No one could explain quite how his blood panels, only six months prior had been so perfect.  And we were blaming ourselves for not having done an x-ray prior to surgery.  And we were all crying.  We did have the vet call the oncologist, but based on the call and two vets’ opinions on the lung x-ray, the oncologist told us that his gut instinct was that we couldn’t save him.

Sadly, we had him put down.  Less than 15 hours after our return from vacation.  Three days before Christmas.   Hopefully, you can understand why I couldn’t bring myself to update.  It took a long, long time to move forward without our Mack.  I share now as a reminder to never take anything for granted.  I still cry thinking of the knee surgery and LONG recovery that my baby went through just six months before losing him.  Yes, we thought (as did the vets) that it was clearly a torn ligament issue.  And yes, his blood panels looked perfect.  But with his history, we should have asked for a chest x-ray.  Had we done so, we most likely would have seen tumors.  It may or may not have been treatable.  But, I would have never put him through a surgery and lengthy recovery had we only known that he’d only have a few months.  Hindsight, as they say.  The oncologist assured us that we may not have seen any tumors at the time.  He claimed the cancer could have come back fast and hard.  He assured us that sometimes cancer does that.  But, we’ll never know.  And we’ll always miss our Mack.

4 thoughts on “RIP Mack”

  1. I am sorry to hear about Mack. You can’t blame yourself. As your oncologist stated that those damn lung mets could have not been there. Honestly, I know my Sassy was in doing chemo and they weren’t there one month and the next they were. She live 7 3/4 months with those things.
    No one blames you for not being able to update us on him.
    I know this isn’t any help but without that knee surgery you wouldn’t have gotten that extra 6 months with him. Yes, it was a long recovery but he enjoyed those 6 months his family.

    He will always be in your heart and with you.

    Hugs
    Michelle & Angel Sassy

  2. Thank you so much for being so brave and able to update. I know (as does Mack) that you did what was best for him. He knows that you loved him so very much!

    I hope that your memories can provide some comfort.

    morgan & gertie

  3. I’m so sorry for your loss of sweet Mack. There is no time limit on grief and sorrow over losing a precious furbaby so suddenly so please don’t feel an ounce of guilt for not being able to update. Some folks have a harder time returning to this community than others after experiencing such loss.

    I hope you’re able to enjoy more of the happy memories of Mack now than the sad ones. For me I had to let my Leland go 4 weeks after his amputation because the CCL went out in his remaining hind knee and his health deteriorated pretty rapidly after the amputation surgery. He wasn’t dealing with cancer (at least that’s what the biopsy report indicated of the mass they removed from his knee) but nobody could tell us what exactly had caused all the problems in his left knee that ultimately led to amputation. Like you I’m left wondering what happened and is there something different I could have done but unfortunately I’ll never be able to answer that question.

    Thank you for sharing about Mack…he was a very handsome fella!

    Sahana and her Angel Leland

  4. I’m really, really sorry to hear about Mack. I can totally understand why it was so hard for you to return but can’t thank you enough for taking the time to do so.

    The shock must have been horrendous, I can’t even imagine. But please, please don’t blame yourself. You did so much, everything for this very special pup. Sometimes cancer does what it will and it can be nasty, sneaky and so mean. It breaks my heart when this happens and I wish I could prevent it so that every new member could have many, many years with their pup. As Michelle said, those 6 months you spent together were probably pretty good and you got some time that you wouldn’t have had otherwise.

    We didn’t do chemo or follow-up x-rays and sometimes I beat myself up for not doing them. But in the end that time we spent together in blissful ignorance was the best we could have asked for, I wouldn’t have changed anything except to ask the universe for more. It’s never long enough.

    I’m so sorry, I wish I could give you a hug. Please know that this entire community is here for you even now, if you want to chat, visit our forums, we are there waiting with open arms.

    May Mack’s spirit surround you with love and comfort for all time. He is never far away.

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